Illusion
by AnotherJoker
Summary: Yukiji is dead. How does Tomoe cope, when he starts seeing her ghost, or at least that what he thinks he's seeing.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own KH or any of the characters, sadly :(.

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Tomoe POV

_Was I not good enough? Would it have been better if you had never met me? It's all my fault isn't it? I shouldn't have come after you. Maybe you would still be alive. If I had left you with that human, maybe he could have saved your life. But I was selfish. I brought this upon you. I killed you. It's all my fault. I deserve it, but you didn't. _

Tomoe turned on the bed, too big for one person. In the palace, too empty without her presence. He saw her everywhere. As he made breakfast for two people. Before he went to sleep. The memories haunted him, his Yukiji. And she was gone.

_I'm sorry, Yukiji. I love you._

He sighed, as the door creaked open. Flames rose from his fingertips. He was in no mood to play with another of that damned Akura-ou's minions again. But instead he saw someone else.

"Yukiji!"

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Ah this is so short. I'm sorry, it gets longer, but i just had to give Tomoe his own chapter. Any comments, like it, hate it, anything! Thanks for reading :)


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own KH. Sadly.

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Nanami POV

_Finally I'm back in the past. Mikage kept trying to stop me, saying that something went wrong. That I was only going to get hurt. But I don't care what happens to me, I have to save Tomoe. Even if it means my life I will save Tomoe._

Nanami wandered through the forest hopelessly lost, as expected. Suddenly, she realized she was in a field of cherry blossoms, and a big house, almost a palace, stood in the middle of nowhere.

_I know this place. This was where Tomoe said that he loved m…. Yukiji. Well I should go in, I'm tired, and maybe some kind people will let me stay there._

She knocked on the door, but it cracked open the moment she made contact. "Hello? Anyone here? I'm hoping to stay here for the night." She called out. But it seemed that there was no sign of anyone here.

_I guess I'll just stay in one of the rooms. I'm sure no one would mind. I'll be gone by tomorrow. I still have to find Tomoe. _

Nanami tried all the room doors, but all were locked. "Hrmp! Now where do I sleep? The floor is so cold. I don't want to sleep on the floor." She whined.

"Nanami keep quiet. You are doing this for Tomoe aren't you?" a voice, much like Kei told her.

"Fine. Let me try that last door." Nanami said, and then realizing she was talking to herself, blushed. Luckily there was no one here.

She tried the door. It was unlocked! Grinning, she pushed it open and skipped into the room.

"TOMOE?!"

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Ok I promise after this chapters will be longer. Short chapters make me feel so lazy. I'm sorry. Comments? Like it, hate it, anything! Thanks for reading:)


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own KH. Sadly.

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Tomoe's POV

"Yukiji!"

Tomoe leapt across the room and grabbed her in a bone-crushing hug. His voice muffled, he mumbled "I'm sorry. I love you Yukiji. Forgive me."

_Have I finally gone mad? Why am I seeing you? Why? Why do you have to torture me like this? It's so real, like you are actually here. I can finally see you, if this is your ghost, an illusion, none of that matters. I love you._

A part of his mind just kept telling him that she was just an illusion. He should not get caught up in it. But his heart was beating like a drum, his senses overwhelmed by her cherry blossom scent. Yukiji was here, the same smile, the same eyes from when he confessed under the cherry blossoms.

_I give in you agonizing, beautiful illusion. I give in to this sweet insanity. Anything to have you in my arms again. _

"Yukiji, please don't leave me again. I love you." He said, clutching her closer, as he took deep breathes of her scent, to convince himself that she was here. That this was no illusion. His Yukiji was here. And he would never let her get away.

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Nanami POV

Nanami stroked his hair unconsciously; it had been so long since she had felt Tomoe's warmth. Heard his voice.

"I'm sorry. I love you Yukiji. Forgive me." "Yukiji, please don't leave me again. I love you." She heard Tomoe say, as he embraced her.

_Yukiji._

_That's right, he still thinks I'm Yukiji. Finally I get to hear him say he loves me, but it's for Yukiji. Yukiji. Why am I bothered by this, I knew he loved Yukiji. But it hurts, I love you Tomoe, but you don't even know me. You are hugging Yukiji, not me. It's always Yukiji isn't it? _

"I'm not Yukiji, I'm Nanami." That's what I wanted to say. But how could I tell him I wasn't Yukiji. The happiness on his face and the sadness when he told me not to leave. How could I take that away from him? How could I reject his love, even if it wasn't for me, when that's all my heart was screaming for.

I can't destroy his illusion. I'm sorry Tomoe, but please let me be selfish for once.

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AN: UGH. I'm sorry it's so short again, I''ll try to make other chapters longer. I'm not used to writing in this style, I'm working on it. Any comment, like it, hate it, anything.I never wrote like this before, I hope it isn't crap. Thanks for reading :)


	4. Chapter 4

_ I don't own KH. And has anyone seen the latest update! It makes me sad that it looks like its going to end soon. Anyway. Enjoy!_

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_-One week later-_

Nanami POV

"Yukiji! Where are you?" Tomoe called out.

It's been a week since I got here, and I haven't even seen the outside, Tomoe seems insistent on locking me up inside. Like he's afraid I'll run away…Anyway, I got fed up with him keeping me locked up like a useless princess. So I crept out to the sakura trees.

Just sitting here remind me of the times when I sat with Tomoe and drank sake at the full moon. _I miss him so much!_

"But you see him everyday!" a part of me yelled.

_But this isn't my Tomoe; to this Tomoe, I am Yukiji._

I remembered the times when Tomoe would put shiitake mushrooms in breakfast just to annoy me. _At least he cared enough to make me breakfast._

The time when he saved me from Yomi-no-Kuni and was taken away. _At least I knew that he cared enough to save me. _

Then when I woke up he was my familiar again. How happy I was, when I realized, I wasn't going to be left all alone. That I wasn't going to be abandoned again. _That he cared enough not to leave me. _

The times when we were all happy, when everything seemed to be perfect, until it all came crashing down. The time as I watched the curse slowly kill him and I couldn't do anything. _At least I knew that he loved me. Or did he? _

"Yukiji! There you are!"

_I miss you so much Tomoe! I want to see you. I want to see your reluctant smiling face. I want to hear your voice calling me baka again. I want to feel your soft snowy hair. I want to go back in time so I can do all that. So I can take back those words that I said. So I could lock up my feelings. So that you would never be cursed._

_But it's too late isn't it. I couldn't let you go. I couldn't bear the idea of us never meeting again. It was all my fault. It's all my fault that you're gone. It's all my fault that you're dead. I never even got to say goodbye to you. I couldn't take it, you being dead. I refused to admit it, that you're gone and I'm the only one still hanging on. I love you Tomoe. So much. But the people I love always disappear. I should have known better. At least if I had let you go, there was still a chance of me catching you. But now I'm still running after you, but you are already long gone. _

I was so worri…." Tomoe rambled on, as he tugged her up and tugged her back to the house. However, Nanami was lost in her thoughts, as she trailed behind Tomoe.

_He said he loves Yukiji doesn't he, then why can't he tell that I'm not her. Am I really just a shadow of Yukiji? Was I just a replacement for her? He never loved me did he? He loved the Yukiji in me. He didn't fall in love with Nanami. He fell in love with Yukiji. _

"Yukiji, shall we have fish for dinner?"

_Yukiji. Yukiji. Yukiji. It's always her. Everything is about her. Everyone loves her. _He_ loves her. _

"Yukiji? You don't want to? Yukiji?"

_Yukiji. Stop calling me that! Stop torturing me like that. Stop! I'm not the one you love. I'm not Yukiji. Stop it! _

_"Yukiji?! Are you alright? Are you feeling unwell?"_

_STOP IT! I'M NOT YUKIJI! I'M NANAMI! Stop calling me that name! I'm not Yukiji! I'm not the one you love! Stop calling me that! I'm not Yukiji. Not Yukiji. _

"I'm fine. Leave me alone. I don't want dinner. Good night… Tomoe." she choked out and rushed back to her room.

_"I'm not Yukiji. I'm not Yukiji. Tomoe I love you. But I can't stand you calling me as another woman, even if this is the only way I can see you. I can't take it. I have to go beck. Back to reality. It's time to wake up from this illusion. " _She mumbled as tears jagged across her face and she hugged herself

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Yay! It's longer now. Well ok not that much, but better than the last one. So yes, I did kill Tomoe off... Forgive me! Anyway, any comments, like it, hate it, anything. Thanks for reading! :)

Oh yeah Whoever, You actually read my stuff! Thank you! I hope this didn't disappoint, it's a new style of writing for me. :D


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Kamisama Hajimemashita or any of the characters. Enjoy.

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_I have to tell him. I can't go on like this. Hear him call another woman's name while he's looking straight at me. _In the cover of darkness, Nanami made her decision. Even though it pained her to think that she would never see Tomoe again, she knew it was right. She was almost sure she heard a whisper of Tomoe's voice telling her, _"That's right Nanami, tell me. You have to get over me, stop torturing yourself. You don't deserve it. I love you, Nanami. Goodbye." _

"Thank you Tomoe. I love you too. I'll miss you. Goodbye." Nanami whispered, behind her eyelids, she could almost see Tomoe smiling at her.

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"Tomoe, I have something important to tell you." Nanami announced, as soon as she spotted Tomoe in the patio, before she lost her nerve.

Tomoe turned around and bestowed on her a dazzling smile, momentarily causing her to hesitate. _Did she really want to lose him? Never see his smile again? _

_Yes. She had to do this. _

"I'm sorry I lied to you Tomoe, I'm not Yukiji. I'll be leaving by tonight so you don't have to worry." She said, bowing her head.

What happened next, she definitely did not expect.

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His eyes flashed dangerously and slammed her against the wall violently.

"You are Yukiji! Don't lie to me! Do you hate me that much that you want to get away from me? Is it another man? That human scum again? What is so special about him? What can he give you that I haven't? I can give you a palace. Servants to serve you. Silk kimonos. Anything. Just name it Yukiji. I can give it to you. So why are you lying to me?" He yelled, his calm violet eyes had red seeping into them.

To his surprise, Yukiji glared at him, her gaze reproachful. "You say you love Yukiji. Don't throw around the word love like that. You don't know the meaning of love. And you never will. Obsession is a better word." She almost spat out, venom lacing her words.

"You woman, dare to question my love? Do you know how easy it would be for me to just reach out and crush you, burn my love for you onto your skin, mark you as mine forever. Maybe I should do that now, after all if I can't have you, why should anyone else have you, especially that human scum!" Tomoe almost shouted, his rage building higher as he continued. The blue flames, that had incinerated hundred, burst out of his palm and advanced towards her face.

He could see the flames reflected in her eyes, but most of all, instead of fear, he saw sadness. He saw regret. He saw pain. He saw everything he felt when he had lost Yukiji.

_Yukiji. So you really are gone? This isn't you? _

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The flames disappeared as suddenly as they appeared. Nanami breathe a sigh of relief and slipped to the ground, as the yokai in front of her knelt down, his face shocked, like he had just woken up from a dream.

She watched as that shock turned to grief and regret. Instinctively, she reached out to comfort him, but stopped just millimeters away from his hair. Dropping her hand, she looked helplessly at the man that she loves, and will always love, even if he is gone. Not being able to take his grief, she ran from the patio and to her room where her bags were almost fully packed.

It was time to go.

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Oh yeah, one more chapter and it's the end. First longish story that I ever wrote, so how was it? Should i just stick to one-shots? Comments? Like it, Hate it, anything. Thanks for reading! :D


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own KH or any of the characters :'(

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Tomoe POV

Tomoe knocked on the shoji door, calling out a name that seemed so foreign to him. "Nanami?" But the only reply was silence. "Nanami I'm sorry, please accept my apologies." Silence again.

_Why isn't she answering? What if she is hurt? What if she was kidnapped by Akura-ou? Why do I even care? She is not Yukiji, so why do I care? Why do I even care if she accepts my apologies?_

Worry prevailing, he hastily pulled open the doors, expecting to see a wounded Nanami soaked in blood. Or the curtains ripped, her blood staining the floor and only her scent lingering. In his heart, he hoped she was sleeping, but none of what he thought of happened.

The doors slid open, revealing a perfectly untouched room. Like she had never been here. No scent of her lingered, no signs to point towards her even existing. Like everything was just an illusion.

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Epilogue? (not really, but i wanted to put this in)

Tomoe's POV

Tomoe lay down on the futon, the house suddenly seemed to big for him again. Too quiet. Without a certain someone.

_Maybe she really was an illusion. A ghost of Yukiji. If that is so, I hope she carries the message to Yukiji that I love her. _

_But what is love? That one thing, I still am not clear of._

_Maybe she was a real person. Maybe I had ignored all the differences glaring at me, and loved her just the same. Ignored the way she smiled at me. Ignored her soulful eyes. Brushed everything that was not Yukiji aside._

_Maybe she was right. Maybe my love was really obsession. Maybe I never actually felt love. _

_But I have eternity to think about it anyway. And maybe someday, I'll see that beautiful illusion again, and maybe I'll have an answer to what love is._

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A/N: Well I finally finished a story! I'm not very sure about this ending... Anyway, Thanks for reading and following etc etc! :D Like it, hate it , anything. Comment! :D


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